Canada blues

I’ve been trying to put off writing about Canada. I didn’t want to put a negative post about how it’s all different and therefore wrong. I thought with time I’ll have some interesting things to write about. And I probably will but I can’t stop myself today. I wonder if this is typical immigrant/expat blues as I never experienced it before. Basically, there is nothing fundamentally wrong with this place and yet everything is wrong. I’m unhappy bordering on depression. The rain today is not helping, I hate rain, I hate grey skies and I hate cold. 12°C is cold in my books. I even made a list of positive things, good things, pleasant things. Things like fresh air, friendly people, trees and play grounds. I hate them all. I hate being here to the point of crying and not wanting to get out of bed. I should feel busy – I have so much to do. I need to study for driving licence, I should be looking for a short-term rental (which is easy as opposed to long-term), I should be cooking nice food as I have no ironing and hardly any cleaning to do and therefore have enough time to cook. I should be looking for a university classes, I should be looking for activities for Saboodlette, it’s summer after all. I’m not doing any of the above. I’m sitting around feeling unhappy and sorry for myself. And I feel bad for feeling bad which makes it worse. I also worry about a lot of things but it’s still not an excuse. I feel so bad I can’t make myself call a friend in Toronto and even less her friend here in Montreal. I just don’t want to. And it’s bloody raining so we cannot even go to the playground and pretend all is well. Saboodlette went to sleep after a whole morning of whining and tantrums. I wish I could do that too. I hate grey skies. Always have.

Put the weezaaaaaar back on!!!...please?

We all know the eternal debate - what is appropriate when it comes to clothes, what is decent, what is sexy what is in and what is out. And it usually concerns women as in our paternalistic world women are defined by their looks whether they wear a mini skirt or a full veil. But that's another post I might or might not write. Anyway, most people agree on two things - white is a great colour to wear in hot weather (I don't but I'm vain) and the white "hot weather" clothes are usually transparent to a degree. So of course there is a lot of advise on the underwear one should wear under white clothes - nude, not white, and for the love of God, not patterned. The white string with red polka dots is neither cute nor stylish under white linen trousers. We all know that. And there is a lot of outrage about this being a muslim country and please show some respect. Right. Well, I think it's time muslim MEN are called forward. So before stepping outside to ogle every passing female, before putting signs in malls about the length of the sleeves and skirts, take a look in the mirror. The white kandora is transparent so do not leave your wizar or whatever undergarment you should be wearing underneath, at home. The tight boxer short is not enough. Especially when you're walking with a suit-clad gentlemen and obviously talk business. We know it's hot but remember, hell-fire is hotter!

Agave sweetened chocolate cake

I bit the bullet yesterday and tweaked a recipe by replacing the sugar and honey with agave nectar. I was a bit apprehensive but the result was perfect! The original recipe can be found here:http://www.dianasdesserts.com/index.cfm/fuseaction/recipes.recipeListing/filter/dianas/recipeID/2346/Recipe.cfm My cake wasn't exactly "moist" but wasn't dry either so here goes my version

Ingredients: 3 cups all-purpose flour, 1/2 cup unsweetened cocoa, 1/4 teaspoon salt, 2 1/2 teaspoons baking powder, 1 teaspoon baking soda, 2 teaspoons spice mix (I used the rests hence the difference with the original - cinnamon, cloves, nutmeg and 5 spice mix), 1 cup vegetable oil, 2 cups agave nectar (I used blue agave dark one dark ones are supposed to be lower GI than light ones), 3 large eggs, 1/2 cup cinnamon apple sauce (I used a 4oz pot of baby apple sauce), 1 1/2 teaspoons vanilla extract, mix of walnuts, cashews and almonds (optional but worth adding) Topping: Melted dark sugar-free chocolate (had one with maltitol but I'm sure a fructose one would be even better)

Instructions: In a large mixing bowl, combine the flour, cocoa, baking powder, baking soda, salt, cinnamon, ground cloves and allspice. Set aside. In bowl combine oil and agave nectar. Beat mixture on low to medium-low speed for 1 minute. Add in the eggs, apple sauce and vanilla and beat for 2 to 3 minutes on low speed. Slowly add in the flour mixture and beat on medium-low speed for another 2 minutes until batter is smooth and well combined. Fold in the nuts and pour the batter into the pan (2/3 as it does rise quite a bit). Bake in preheated 160 C oven on lower shelf (if heat comes from the both upper and lower part) for 50 minutes or until cake tester inserted in center of cake comes out clean. Remove from oven and let cake cool in pan until the pan cools down, then invert it, let it cool completely, decorate and eat! Just a side note - check on the cake regularly as it might burn slightly on the top or the edges even with the lowered temperature.

I can drive!

Yeah! I know this statement sounds silly as I've had my driving license and been driving for the past 5 years, but! I'm a very insecure person. I underestimate myself, don't believe in my practical abilities while at the same time I'm a perfectionist. Bad mixture as it ends up in procrastination, lack of productivity and avoidance. But I'm digressing. Eventhough I've been driving almost daily for the past 5 years I was refusing to go off the "safe" roads and hell would've frozen over before I went on Sh Zayed or further than Diyafa Rd. Until yesterday, that is.I desperately wanted to be able to go to Sharjah but had been too scared. But yesterday I decided enough was enough - we decided with a friend to go to Blue Souq and instead of going there with her, I drove myself there. And it was silly easy! Not even stressful!
As they say "if I knew then what I know now...". So why was i so scared and why wasn't it even half as bad as I feared? For once I only ever went there with husband who is a good but short-tempered driver. Hence part of my fear. Now the easy part of going to Sharjah is staying in the same lane the whole way. Perfect - no need for life-threatening lane changing. And the lane one needs to stay in is the second from the left which means no crazy minibuses and wild weavers and slalomists (is it even a word?). Next challenge will be Al Wasl Hospital, I just need to find an alternative way to my husband's...

Narnia time

Like so many children, I read the Narnia Chronicles when I was young. And like so many children, I loved it. But there was one aspect that I couldn’t really warm up to – the Narnia time. Time in Narnia flowed differently than time in the “real” world. When you crossed over to Narnia time seemed normal but when you got back, you came back at more or less the same time you left. But when you went back to Narnia again, you never knew how much time has passed – an hour, a week, a century… Now, as for different time flow I could understand the concept of that but the variable speed was weird and I found it fake and invented just to make the whole thing easy for the writer.

Fast forward two decades. I so get the Narnia time now. You see, living and taking care of a baby and now young toddler makes me slip between the “real” time and Narnia time only it’s the opposite here. The baby time in the “normal” time – she has fairly regular timings and durations for playing, sleeping, whining etc. It is the time in the “real” world that is unpredictable. Somehow the same exact action and gestures while taking care of Saboodlette that seem in baby time to take equal amount of minutes and hours last different amounts of time according to the “real” world clock. So for example the morning (waking up, feeding, playing, breakfast) can take anything between 1 and 3 hours. And I swear we always proceed at the same pace and speed. Go figure.

That November feeling

Living in the Gulf turns the world as we know it upside down. Only yesterday I uttered a phrase I would've never imagined saying in a million years - I love November. Where I come from November means cold, wet gloom. Not seeing the sun or the blue sky for weeks on end. The worst month of the year - gone is the glorious golden coppery early autumn and the white and crisp winter is still far away. But not so here. Here November means the suffocating humid heat has finally left and the cool breeze and temperatures under 35 degrees are back - not too hot, not too cold, perfect time for long walks, sidewalk cafes, beach and picnics in the parks.

In short, I'm well, my mama's been here for a week so I got a break (my yearly holiday, lol) and the low feelings left with the heat.

Not this!

I really have been trying. Fighting it with all my strength. But lately I started losing the battle. I'm borderline depressive again. The problem this time is I don't have the luxury of doing what worked in the past to keep the beast at bay - I cannot be gentle with myself for a while, I cannot sleep in, have a long hot shower, scrub, have a face pack, massage a rich cream into my whole body and then spend the rest of the day in bed with tea and a good book. I cannot go to the club and spend an afternoon lounging on the beach sipping water and fruit juice and swimming in the pool. I cannot go shopping and spend long moments contemplating a dress or an eye shadow, sit in a bookstore and look through books in peace. Hell, I can't even concentrate fully on writing this entry. I need to find another way of coping because I'm not getting a break anytime soon.