Friendship

It’s our fifth year here. Almost four years. Which is roughly the same amount of time I spent in the previous country I lived in. And yet, while the previous place felt (and still feels, to a degree) like home, Dubai doesn’t. Sharjah got closer but still not quite. And while I know what I miss the most, the real friends, I was trying to figure out what exactly defines a friend to me and why (apart from the usual “it’s a transitional place” bla) the friends I made here don’t really feel like friends even though I had thre same amount of time to get to know people as before. So what’s different? I met so many different people with similar interests and at similar life stages. We talk, do things together and yet… And then it hit me. When talking to a real friend I can voice my opinions without apologising for them even if the said opinion is in opposition to how the other person thinks or feels about the topic. Even if it’s a sensitive subject. We might disagree totally but there won’t be awkward silence, backtracking or smoothing over. There might be a heated discussion or just exchange of views but no apologising for thinking this or other way. This is what I miss. And this is what makes me even resentful. I’m tired of being careful about what I talk about and to whom. I’m irritated by running into a wall of awkwardness when I say something the other person disagrees with. I’m fed up with having to tread carefully, having to use expressions like “I read/heard that”, “this is what some people say” etc. What people??? And why these “people’s” opinions are important enough to quote while my opinion must be dressed up and backed up with what some elusive “expert” has to say?
I need a friend. A friend who I can disagree with. A friend who’s ok with difference in opinion and won’t have their feeling hurt by it nor would be too scared to say what they think. My feeling can take it. Please, apply.

And all of this because I miss her. Our birthdays fall on the same day. She’s pregnant now and due on the day of Saboodlette’s EDD.
I miss you, H.