Canada blues

I’ve been trying to put off writing about Canada. I didn’t want to put a negative post about how it’s all different and therefore wrong. I thought with time I’ll have some interesting things to write about. And I probably will but I can’t stop myself today. I wonder if this is typical immigrant/expat blues as I never experienced it before. Basically, there is nothing fundamentally wrong with this place and yet everything is wrong. I’m unhappy bordering on depression. The rain today is not helping, I hate rain, I hate grey skies and I hate cold. 12°C is cold in my books. I even made a list of positive things, good things, pleasant things. Things like fresh air, friendly people, trees and play grounds. I hate them all. I hate being here to the point of crying and not wanting to get out of bed. I should feel busy – I have so much to do. I need to study for driving licence, I should be looking for a short-term rental (which is easy as opposed to long-term), I should be cooking nice food as I have no ironing and hardly any cleaning to do and therefore have enough time to cook. I should be looking for a university classes, I should be looking for activities for Saboodlette, it’s summer after all. I’m not doing any of the above. I’m sitting around feeling unhappy and sorry for myself. And I feel bad for feeling bad which makes it worse. I also worry about a lot of things but it’s still not an excuse. I feel so bad I can’t make myself call a friend in Toronto and even less her friend here in Montreal. I just don’t want to. And it’s bloody raining so we cannot even go to the playground and pretend all is well. Saboodlette went to sleep after a whole morning of whining and tantrums. I wish I could do that too. I hate grey skies. Always have.