Not this!

I really have been trying. Fighting it with all my strength. But lately I started losing the battle. I'm borderline depressive again. The problem this time is I don't have the luxury of doing what worked in the past to keep the beast at bay - I cannot be gentle with myself for a while, I cannot sleep in, have a long hot shower, scrub, have a face pack, massage a rich cream into my whole body and then spend the rest of the day in bed with tea and a good book. I cannot go to the club and spend an afternoon lounging on the beach sipping water and fruit juice and swimming in the pool. I cannot go shopping and spend long moments contemplating a dress or an eye shadow, sit in a bookstore and look through books in peace. Hell, I can't even concentrate fully on writing this entry. I need to find another way of coping because I'm not getting a break anytime soon.