06 June 2010
Canada blues
I’ve been trying to put off writing about Canada. I didn’t want to put a negative post about how it’s all different and therefore wrong. I thought with time I’ll have some interesting things to write about. And I probably will but I can’t stop myself today. I wonder if this is typical immigrant/expat blues as I never experienced it before. Basically, there is nothing fundamentally wrong with this place and yet everything is wrong. I’m unhappy bordering on depression. The rain today is not helping, I hate rain, I hate grey skies and I hate cold. 12°C is cold in my books. I even made a list of positive things, good things, pleasant things. Things like fresh air, friendly people, trees and play grounds. I hate them all. I hate being here to the point of crying and not wanting to get out of bed. I should feel busy – I have so much to do. I need to study for driving licence, I should be looking for a short-term rental (which is easy as opposed to long-term), I should be cooking nice food as I have no ironing and hardly any cleaning to do and therefore have enough time to cook. I should be looking for a university classes, I should be looking for activities for Saboodlette, it’s summer after all. I’m not doing any of the above. I’m sitting around feeling unhappy and sorry for myself. And I feel bad for feeling bad which makes it worse. I also worry about a lot of things but it’s still not an excuse. I feel so bad I can’t make myself call a friend in Toronto and even less her friend here in Montreal. I just don’t want to. And it’s bloody raining so we cannot even go to the playground and pretend all is well. Saboodlette went to sleep after a whole morning of whining and tantrums. I wish I could do that too. I hate grey skies. Always have.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
4 comments:
I really hope things get better soon! My husband always got depressed the most in winter in Montreal, the days are so short with so little sunlight, and he was used to the warm weather and looooong days, probably like you. Maybe once the rain stops you can get to the playground like you mentioned, there are usually a lot of people outside and it will be easier when you have people to socialize with.
*hugs* I hope you feel better soon!
Thank you :) I'm used to this kind of weather since I spent most of my life in similar climate. Always hated it, though. Today the weather is nice, we're going out :)
I sure hope that your blue funk does not last for very long. It is hard to leave everything that is familiar to go somewhere where nothing is familiar. I moved from Canada to Egypt - and I MISS winter - miss the rain in the summer - grow to hate the sameness of every day - weather wise. Keep your chin up - make those phone calls - allow yourself some 'down' time but put a time limit on it - then get up and get going.
Thank you, egianqueen. Sorryt I didn't reply earlier, I was moving houses and had million things to do
Post a Comment